February 8, 2015

No time to the right time

I miss writing. The words rolling off the tip of my fingers onto the keyboard. The blissful feeling of capturing a whole thought and expanding it, for it to blossom into something meaningful, even if only to me.

But creative expression needs time, not something I have large excesses of these days. Taking a full-time job, indeed, one that requires me to travel as well, means that writing has swiftly arrived at the bottom of my priority list, below rather more important things like spending time with my daughter, eating, and sleeping. Being out of the house 10 hours a day, five days a week has meant that even things like chores and exercise are mighty challenging to pull off.

This is where I make my perfunctory statement of awe and respect to working parents worldwide who manage to have not just one but even more children, hold down full-time jobs, and manage to still do things like throw birthday parties and get up at five in the morning to run or meditate or what have you.

Mind you, I am not complaining. Not even venting. I love my job, and the role I play is something I have been wanting to be able to commit to for quite some time. Circumstances and my daughter's age have led me to finally be able to do so. It's just that it's been a reeeaaally long time since I was in the full-time flow.

When I left the U.S. in 2006 with Margo, my professional trajectory came to a standstill and it has taken me all these years south of the border to re-cultivate it to a level that can not only do justice to my education and experience and support my family. Nothing is forever, everything and anything can change in the blink of an eye, but I am proud of how far we have come as a family—how far I have come personally—and I am so happy that this time in my life is finally here.

The trick is making it, the feeling, the moments, stick. So as to not blow by in the blink of an eye, as often happens in my memory-span of a fly. That is what writing has always done so well for me. From the time I was twelve up until now, taking time to pause, write, and externalize has allowed me to realize, reflect, evolve even.

The outside, professional world, and my movements in concert are working wonders on my self-growth and that of my family's. But those subtler, sweeter sides of life—things like writing, gardening, crafts, spending time with dear, dear friends or just sitting and thinking—are getting shaded out in the meantime.

But the gardener in me knows that seeds, though lying dormant, are faithful to the stirrings of life, and will spring forth at a moment's notice. They just need a little light shone into dark corners and new leaves will emerge when the time is right. It might not be this spring, but a growing season is something we can always count on.

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